Archive for July 10, 2016

Lovesickness in Islam

By Shaikh Salmaan Fahd

By no means is love a sickness in and of itself. Indeed, it is the only known cure for many of the problems and ailments that we as human beings suffer from. However, love can turn into an illness if it becomes obsessive, if it goes beyond its proper bounds, or if the object of love is not worthy. When such a situation develops, love indeed becomes a sickness requiring a remedy.

It is Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa)’s order in the world that he sends down to it no affliction without sending down with it its cure. Love is no exception.

The treatment of this illness is as follows:

1. As with all diseases, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

This is why we must lower our gazes and resist taking a second glance at a member of the opposite sex who attracts us. Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) says: “Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That will make for greater purity for them, and Allah is acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their chastity…” (Surah al-Noor: 30-31)

We can see how Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) first issues the command to believing men, then repeats the command for believing women, thus emphasizing the importance of lowering our gazes. The fact that Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) addresses members of each sex individually shows just how important and relevant this matter is to people of both sexes. Indeed, these Verses are one of the few occasions where Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) addresses men and women separately in the Quraan.

The look is the beginning that can lead to progressively greater ills. This is why Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) mentions it first, and then follows it up with the command for us to guard our chastity.

A poet long ago observed:

A glance, a smile, a friendly hello,
Some chatting, a date, then off they go!

If some of us find it difficult to carry out this command, they should write these verses down on a sheet of paper and hang them on their wall or place them on the dashboard – whatever it takes to remind them.

2. Thinking about the consequences is often a sobering dose of medicine.

The ability to think about the far-reaching consequences of our actions is one of the distinctive qualities that set humanity apart from other animals. This is why a person just does not go ahead and do everything that tickles his fancy. He first has to think about what is behind it and what will come of it.

How many people like that do we hear about, some of whom come out and admit that the disease befell them as a punishment from Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa), and hoping that it might at least expiate for their sin?

The same can be said for all the other sexually transmitted diseases. The worst thing of all is to think that an indiscreet man can infect his pious, faithful, and chaste wife with one of these vile diseases.

Another consequence to think about is pregnancy. A man who had repented for his sins once admitted to me that he had intentionally chosen to involve himself with a woman who was sterile. Regardless, Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) wanted her to fall pregnant and she did.

We should not be heedless of the consequences of our actions. Does anyone want to be responsible for someone coming into this world with no idea who his father is; someone who starts out life already disadvantaged?

Maybe one of us will pay the price for his misdeed in this world. Maybe he will get away with it here, going through life unrepentant and unscathed, only to be humiliated for it before the eyes of all on the Day of Judgment.

Some of the evil consequences of this behavior are psychological in nature. A man, once enamored of women, gets to the point that he can never be satisfied. He eternally craves variety and no degree of beauty is enough. Because of this, he may find himself eternally forbidden the lawful pleasure to be found within marriage. His senses and his sentiments have all been dulled.

Some young men travel abroad and spend their time in the company of prostitutes and other women of ill repute, but if one of them were ever to hear that his wife back home so much as looked at another man indiscreetly, he would divorce her on the spot.

One man lamented: “I would forsake all the women of the world for the sake of one woman whom I knew would get worried if I came home at night a little bit late.” This is the sentiment of any man who possesses wisdom.

3. The communion of lawful love is the best cure of all.

All of the stories of love that we find in our literature – whether it be that of Jamîl and Buthaynah, Kuthayyir and ‘Azzah, Qays and Laylâ, or for that matter their English equivalent Romeo and Juliet – deal with the anguish of unrequited love.

Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) has placed in what is lawful all that we need so we can dispense with what He has made unlawful. It provides the most fulfilling, satisfying, and deepest expression of love.

The Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam) said: “We see for those who are in love nothing better than marriage.” (Sunan Ibne Maajah, 1847 and Mustadrak Haakim, 2724 with a good chain of transmission)

Lawful matrimony is what brings healing to the heart and removes its disquiet. If it is not written for a certain man and women to come together in matrimony, each of them should have faith that there are many others out there with whom Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) can enrich them with a meaningful and loving relationship.

4. Resignation and a willingness to forsake what is wrong.

No matter how painful it may be to part, it is sometimes necessary. The Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam) said: “Whoever maintains his chastity, does so with the grace of Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa). Whoever finds self-sufficiency does so with what Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) has enriched him. Whoever is patient draws his fortitude from Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa). And no one has been given a gift better or more bountiful than patience.” (Bukhari 1469 and Muslim 1053)

Whoever gives something up for Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa)’s sake should know that Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) will give him in its substitute something far better.

5. Channeling one’s energies and abilities into what is nobler, more precious, and sublime – the love of Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa)

We express this love by bringing benefit to His creatures, by our obedience to Him, by our Salaah (prayers), our Saum (fasts), our Zikr (remembrance of Him), our Du’aas (supplications), and our Tawaadhu’ (humility). We do so by keeping the company of righteous people and by aspiring to the noblest and most beneficial of goals.

We should channel our energies into what benefits us in our worldly lives and in our faith. Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) says: “Seek Allah’s help with patience and perseverance. It is indeed difficult except upon those who are humble.” (Surah al-Baqarah: 45)

He says: “Whoever puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is Allah for him.” (Surah al-Talaaq: 3)

A heart that is full of concern for others will be a heart that is full of love – but not a slave to love. It is an empty heart that falls stricken for any visitor who graces its doorstep.

We should take full advantage of our lives and be as productive as possible. We need to develop our talents, our minds, and put our creativity into practice. Yes! Be enamored – but be enamored of truth and knowledge. Be fully in love – but be in love with righteousness.

Marriage in Islam

Marriage in the dictionary is explained as the name given to when a man and a woman “formally unite for the purpose of living together”. In Islam, it is an act which is given great importance both from a religious view point and a social viewpoint.

The subject of marriage is vast and contains many topics; these topics include:

01. If one chooses not to marry or is unable to get married.
02. When to get married.
03. Love marriages, arranged marriages and force marriages.
04. How to choose a suitable spouse.
05. How to get married.
06. Leading a happy, married life.
07. Rights & responsibilities of the husband.
08. Rights & responsibilities of the wife.
09. Etiquettes involved in a married life.
10. Upbringing of children.
11. Responsibilities towards one’s children.
12. Marrying more than one wife (*new*)

Marriage is an act which completes and encompasses the many teachings of Islam. It has been thus narrated in a Hadeeth that when a person marries, he has complete half of his religion and so he should fear Allah regarding the remaining half.

Shame, modesty, moral and social values and control of self desire are just a few of the many teachings of Islam. Furthermore, these are just a few of the many worships that a person can complete by performing the ritual of marriage. Through marriage a person can be saved from many shameless and immoral sins and through marriage he has is more able to control his desire. Therefore, the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) has said:

“O young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry,
for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty.”

[Saheeh al-Bukhari]

The creation of mankind has been made such that man requires a spouse to complete all that a man requires. Whilst Adam (Alayhis Salaam) was in Jannah he felt a particular loneliness and in response to this loneliness Allah Ta’ala created Hawa (Alayhas Salaam) as a companion for him. This clearly shows that Allah chose women to act as a companion for man and so that they can remove that loneliness and live in harmony. Allah has created our spouses from a part of us. It is a bond that is created by Allah Himself so that we can find peace and tranquillity within our spouses.

Allah has stated in Surah al-Rum:

“And among His signs is that He has created for you mates from among yourselves,
that you may dwell in tranquillity with them;
and He has put love and mercy between you.
Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.”

[Surah al-Rum - 30:21]

In conclusion, it is simple to deduce that marriage is a form of worship as well as a social necessity. We have been asked to increase the Ummah (followers) and the only permissible way in Islam is through Marriage.

Marriage is a strong oath that takes place between the man and women in this world, but its blessings and contract continues even in Jannah.

Marriage is the way of our beloved Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam), and whosoever goes against this practice has been reprimanded.

Hadhrat Anas ibn Malik narrates:

A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said:
“Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven.”
Then one of them said: “I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever.”
The other said: “I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast.”
The third said: “I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever.”
Allah’s Apostle came to them and said,
“Are you the same people who said so-and-so?
By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you;
yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women.
So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (from my followers).”

[Saheeh al-Bukhari]

Therefore, Islamically, we are all encouraged to get married and not turn away from the ways of our beloved Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salaam).

It should be remembered that this duty of marriage is for both men and women. Just as men complete half their religion through this act, it is also the same for women.